Today, December 5th, is my birthday.
And I just turned my favorite number.
Happy birthday to me.
Old Fart with a Sense of Humor
This old man must be having a blast reading some of these essays right before grading finals. “Write about your most embarrassing moment and analyze it, using terminology discussed in class, in the following ways:…”
As I sit here and write about the time I farted in my 5th grade class, I imagine my 80-year-old professor reading and giggling at this paper as I try to academically analyze this event.
I bet he chose this prompt just for that reason.
GENIUS.
Did you Flarf again?!
Attention, zombie heathens!
Being a woman just got easier!
I’m not usually a sweets person (I prefer my meat!)
I’ve been lusting after this burgundy pullover
Found in a computer store and raised by robots
.
(Flarf poem, using the words “cup”, and “geeky” on Google search)
I’ll Live
I’m too distracted to write this essay.
Too unfocused to finish my assignment.
Too unraveled to clean my room.
Too obsessed with cleaning all the rest.
Too restless to sit in a classroom.
Too lazy to run errands.
Too self-deprecating to try to dress up.
Too worried about what others think.
Too motivated to prove myself for all the wrong reasons.
Too insecure about my dreams and talents.
I’m just
too much
to handle.
It’s just
too much
to take on.
And yet..
I’ll live.
And work hard each day, until I’ve learned how the fuck to get it right.
This song makes me so sad, but these girls are amazing.
A cover of “Call your girlfriend” originally sung by Robyn
Please Excuse Me While I Flarf
I was a regular brunch.
American actor, singer and drag queen,
hit single recorded
being a deity
outrageous resident.
I WAS THINKING ABOUT PARKING THE OTHER NIGHT,
specialise in Double Glazing Repair.
You can wine and dine a lady all night,
her ample assets to get what she wants.
Get your phone steamy!
wipe it off again with your fingers
warm, friendly service
free online
.
(10/11, Flarf poem using the words “steamy” and “diva”)
